Skip to main content

Saying Goodbye to Dad


One of the things I didn't expect to happen this year was that I would lose my dad. Yesterday at 11:40 PM however, he went to be home with the Lord. It was unexpected. I'm still not sure I believe it.

At 3 PM he went into cardiac arrest. His condition quickly deteriorated after that. The hospital did everything they could to help him. He really had a great doctors and wonderful nurses. I am so thankful for each of them in their efforts . 

It is crazy to think that I was able to be present for his very last moments. I held his hand until he was gone. It was the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life.

The crazy thing about it is I REALLY FEEL  how God has sustained me. I'm not saying that I feel great. I'm not even saying that I'm fully okay right now. What I am saying is that I have peace. I never expected to feel this way after losing him. I feel as though I can look past a lot of the pain and think about how I have hope. 

Hope that he is with God. 

Hope that I will someday see him again.

It makes it easier to remember happy times. It makes it possible for me to feel some happiness in thinking through all the years that he was in my life. I am able to think about how he is not suffering. I am pleased to be able to embrace that he is full of joy. That he is enjoying a new body that is the devoid of pain and suffering. I can relish in knowing that he is praising God at my grandfather Pablos side. (We lost Pablo in March of last year.) 

Grief of course hits me when I don't expect it to. Moments where I fully forget that dad is gone. Moments where I will think on impulse "Oh! I should tell him about this or that!" They are moments following the realization of the truth. Moments that plunge me into a place of full on sadness again. I shed tears and reflect again on my loss. I know that this is natural and that I will experience it often. Eventually these experiences will lessen and I won't hurt AS much as I do right now. 

I know it will always be painful that he is gone, yet I have the hope in Christ that I will see him again. This brings a lot of comfort. 

Now it is a matter of being there for my family. My mom is so strong. I have such a respect for the way that she is handling everything. It blesses me to have her example as such a strong woman in Christ. What has blessed me most is her example of vulnerability. Being able to see her in this place has been both a hard and amazing example. She draws on the strength that she has in the Lord. It is the kind of way that I hope to react if I ever were to suffer loss that she has.

Thank you Mom. 

Something that I am learning is that loss brings people together. The amount of love and support that we have received has been amazing. There have been so many messages, calls and outpourings of love from everybody we know. It has been so very comforting.

God is good. His grace has been MORE than sufficient to get us through this.

I am thankful. 

Thankful that all of this will bring me closer to God. Thankful for the years that I had with my dad. Thankful for everything.





I love and miss you Dad. 

Comments

  1. Maria, again, I am sorry for your loss. I came very close to losing my father this past summer, and my heart was in pieces. Thank you for sharing this. Your family is blessed to have you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank u Christina. How is ur dad now?

      Delete
  2. So sorry for your loss, Maria. Your faith is a great example.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Cream & Sugar?

Popular posts from this blog

Oh Chicago, How I love you!

I absolutely loved Chicago!!! We stayed in Pinegree Grove which is a suburb about an hour outside of the city, but we spent most of our time in the downtown area. We arrived on Sunday night and relaxed with dinner and some games. Allee even got some of the girls to play Barbies with her





I finally got to watch Rouge One with our host which was right up my alley! Monday went on the Big Bus Tours and got to see every single building in the city!  Listening to our tour guides describe different key points about the city made it so much more exciting than just driving by the buildings would have been. We also wandered through Millenium Park and I got to have a Chicago Style hot dog! I visited The Bean, Crown Fountain, Lurie Garden, Jay Pritzker Pavillion and walked through a bit more of Grant Park.

















I also got to visit The Field Museum of Natural History and it was awesome! We were going to go to the Art Institute of Chicago, but we changed our minds once we walked into the lobby and saw th…

My 1st week at my NEW JOB!!

Guys I got the job!!!
I am so excited I can't even begin to express it! I'm paying for my girls to be able to go to school and I'm contributing towards bills and it feels wonderful!! I know that as a stay-at-home mom I contributed a lot to my family dynamic, but there's something about being able to give financially towards expenses that feels amazing! 
Anyway, my first week passed and I can't tell you how great it was. The first three days I was training and would have to say that while I had what I feel like we're "training wheels" I was able to glean a lot of information from the person training me. By the fourth day she sort of did the 50/50 of letting me work by myself and assisting me. By day 5 she had gone out of town and I was working by myself! I can't tell you how awesome it felt to be able to sit at my desk and do the job that I was trained to do within 5 days AND feel like I was doing it well. It's a great feeling.

It also doesn't…

Week 15 Day 1

I can hardly believe that I have made it to 15 weeks of working out consistently. I've been eating healthy and gluten free for that long too! It's amazing to see how my body has changed and my energy level has been impacted. I am so very happy about what  diligence has done for me. I never want to go back to being inactive. 
I have been thinking about different goals. Finding myself considering how I can best  take my workouts up a notch. Never thought I would see myself be the person that would need to tweak a work out because I've gotten stronger. I have never stuck to anything long enough to see myself get to that point. It is beyond exciting.
I was in the car the other day and was daydreaming about learning something new like kickboxing or MMA. The crazy part about it is that it is totally possible for me to do something like that. I mean, I have been active long enough to where I could see it being a definite possibility. Maybe I should take a look around in my area …