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Lately I feel like I have gained a lot of perspective. A couple of things have happened where I have had to do some self examination. While it's not been pleasant it has definitely been beneficial for me.

The first is that I have learned that I need to grow in the area of how I present myself to others. I tend to be very blunt, sarcastic and a bit abrasive. I want very much to be more soft spoken and loving toward others in the way that I respond to them. I have never been the "smiley" type. It takes effort for me to put a smile on my face whenever I'm around others. I know this needs to change. NOT for the reason of "keeping up appearances", but for the reason of no longer giving myself an excuse to not actively seeking out being joyful. I suppose I have developed the belief that because I don't tend to be a joyful type that I should really avoid seeking it out. I know God wants me to have the JOY in Him. I know I have not pursued that as I should.

I watch people who are joyful and of course see that I am not. It tends to make me feel like I should avoid seeking it out because I don't want to end up feeling disappointed in myself.

To be honest this is an area that I've struggled with for a very long time. It's finally caught up with me. Believe it or not I can look at it as a good thing. I'm at a point in my life where I can appreciate that NOW is the time for me to grow.

The second one is watching what I say. It's really actually coinciding a lot with what I was saying earlier about being abrasive. People might take me the wrong way or to think I am callus or uncaring. I have learned that it would be beneficial for me to try to speak more in love. Takes me back to the verse in the Bible that talks about being slow to anger, quick to listen slow to speak.

I think this is all comes from me recently wondering "What is next ?". After my dad passed away I know that I've finally recently had a few peaceful months and have wondered a lot where the next area of challenge would be coming from.I feel like this is it. I need to be intentional right now. It's time for me to get closer to God and have him work through me in these areas that I am weak.

I suppose that this blog is a way for me to put it down I'm clear terms that I want to grow. Hopefully in the coming months and years I will see clear answer to these  prayers and concerns.




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